The following words I can only apologize for, they are the result of too much festive wine, too many conversations in the early hours. 

What does it mean to be single and in you're 30's?  What are the causes of this condition? I think about this often as I'm about to turn 32 and I'm still single. Its not that I can't get dates, I can, I'm just shit at them. What makes it all the more frightening is that a friend told me last night to pull my finger out because I'm only getting older. My looks wont last and I'll end up in my 40's still single and less likely to have that all important date because wrinkles are having an orgy on my face. I've quit smoking because I'd thought about that myself, I've been hitting the gym and toned up quite nicely.  I still talk shit over a coffee though. We seem to be spending so much time on the exterior. Maybe I should start reading Austen...I've always hated all that and maybe thats what needs to change. I killed my romantic self debating empiricism and economics. I've stopped watching soaps, romance movies, most TV in general and I think this might be the problem.  I have no frame of reference with other people. This is insane since I'm supposed to be a social scientist. I spent years pouring over kinship arrangements, folk tales...lives. One of the things social science does not do these days is look at our current narratives as shared narratives.  We try to read into the current economic climate, wax lyrical about feminisms, multiple family structures and deconstruct gender norms. We never watch life for how it expresses itself. Yes there are power differences between those who write, perform and broadcast Eastenders that should make us doubt its authenticity but millions of people watch it. I think I'm calling for an anthropology of the soaps.  How much could be learnt from exploring people's reactions to narratives?  Quite a lot, I think. It might also help me find a man.  Maybe I can learn something about myself by exploring subjectivities as performed for mass consumption and debate. Does the latest drama in the Vic or the Rovers Return effect how people behave? How many have become closer friends through debating the finer points of Mitchell family morality?  Who has had their romance levels increased as a result of soap born inspiration? 

What would be the narrative of the single 30's gay man? That question makes me queasy because it means I'd have to look at the pre 30's years.  Its demanding a Freudian exploration of the self to try and stop the record of singledom repeating - an effort to hit the shuffle button just as you're settled into routine. The soap 30's single gay man is still a pretty rare breed. We had Queer as Folk of course, Stuart Allen Jones, the slag of Manchester.  Well thats not me, I don't have the confidence for that. Vince? Probably, but with more wine consumption. The problem is that if you're a gay man in the soaps, your plot tends to be about finding acceptance. This means to some large degree conforming to 'heteronormativity' as a way of lowering the threat level you pose to the rest of society. A more recent example is that presented in Eastenders.  Here there are two issues of character and culture playing with - quite literally 'square' life - machismo and Islam. Syed Masood and Christian Clarke dance the dance of both sets of restrictions in their own ways whilst in reality Marc Elliott and John Partridge are anything but those stereotypes. However, so much of what it means to simply be with another man (or not) at this age is lost to these two great monoliths. Being single in your thirties is hard, and actually contravening the 'square' life of heteronormativity. 

There is something not quite 'normal' about it.  If you were a descent person, you'd have found someone already.... Its that constant suspicion of society and of ourselves that drives our singledom. Our space is waiting for us but the inability to find someone to walk into it with us makes the doors seemingly close on our own futures. Both society and ourselves are slamming those metaphorical doors shut. Is being single radically 'Queer' or just radically stupid? Do we have a choice?